Among a mother’s many jobs is to cope in a crisis. This is to reassure the children that everything is under control and no one need panic. You have to do this whether you feel like it or not. A mask of indifference is one way of doing it but this can be confused with everyday Indifference and sooner or later your children will remind you how callous you were.
I like to think I am quite good in a crisis as I have the ability not to scream which isn’t to be confused with the tendency to shout. I shout but never scream. Your grandmother never screams but she indicates an emergency by pursing her lips.
Not screaming is a very good start to coping. As you have given no audible indication that there is an emergency, people will not be sure there is one and this gives you a small amount of breathing space. Breathe during this breathing space or you might forget later and faint, complicating matters. After that you require a clear head, a cool manner and decisive actions.
Crises prom our own lives and how I managed
Crises can arise in many shapes and sizes and the mother’s job is to decide how big it is and avoid escalation. A child might drop a glass when a father is speaking on the phone, a mother’s hair can catch fire, a child can fall out of a tree, find herself in a house with a burglar in it, or lose her keys again when her father has just had a new set cut. She can fail an exam, have a pet commit suicide, get dumped by the boy of her dreams, or choke on a peach stone. All the above have happened to us, as well as broken limbs and wounds requiring many stitches. I will outline correct behaviour in three instances which will give you the general drift.
The dropped glass
Should the father be on the telephone to the bank and a child drop a glass, smashing it within his earshot and distracting him badly, the mother must first remove the child from the scene, by the bicep if necessary, and reassure her it is not a major problem despite the father shaking his fist. The mother may then clear up the mess quietly and without fuss or she may hand the father the dustpan and brush and suggest he clear up the mess himself while she takes the child to the park. This is called diversion.
The mother’s hair on fire
Should a mother’s hair catch fire when she bends down to light the oven, she must not call out although she is in danger of imminent incineration. The children will already be calling out because they will want to know what has happened to the biscuits she was attempting to cook. The mother must grab a tea towel and beat out the flames, then she must cut off bits of singed hair and have a shower to remove all traces of burning smell which is frightening in the extreme. Then she should telephone her husband and hang up on him when he says, ‘How one earth could you let a thing like that happen?’ This is called direct action.
A burglar in the house
In the event of a burglar breaking into a daughter’s fiat and the daughter phoning the mother to whisper in a voice full of fear and dread, ‘Mumma, there’s someone in the house,’ and then to fall silent before screaming in a horrible and chill fashion, the mother should turn to the father and say, There is a burglar in her flat. Phone the police on the other line.’ The mother should then call down the line, ‘Are you there? Are you there? What’s going on?’ Then when it emerges that the burglar is an idiot boyfriend of her fiat mate thinking he is being funny, the father should say, Tm getting down there to sort him out.’ And then he should settle things amicably when it emerges the boyfriend is six foot four in every direction. This is called tactical retreat.
Rock
During such crises, you must not only be a rock, you must attend to the rest of family life and your own job without missing a beat. This can be very taxing and sometimes you will feel under siege. But the more it happens, the better you will be at it and the more you will realize there is nothing to it. It helps hugely to have a husband who will tackle large spiders and to have some sort of life beyond work and family which gives you light relief.
Keep beta-blockers in your drawer but don’t take them.
Rule: Sometimes very loud shouting can be mistaken for screaming. This is not your fault. Shout if you must.
Suggested Reading:
+ PARENTS’ SURVIVAL KIT
+ Parenting Survival Guide
