At times, it can be difficult for us parents to establish communications with our kids. Often we sense them not listening to us, and sometimes, we aren’t paying attention ourselves. To be a good parent, we need to be both a good listener and communicator. It is important to sit down with our children and let them know that their feelings, views, and opinions are important, and that they should feel free to discuss them openly and honestly.

There is a natural tendency for us to simply react to our children’s words and actions, as opposed to actually responding to them. We take our own feelings and experiences for granted, and use them to pass judgment. But to actually respond to our kids, we must listen when they tell us about their feelings and emotions and give them the ability to express themselves freely – without fearing that they will be punished for what they say.

When we only react, children feel as though their feelings and opinions aren’t worthwhile enough for us to listen to. But when we respond by asking the child questions about his or her feelings and paying attention to what they tell us about themselves, we can establish dialogue in which we are able to take the discussion further and understand their point of view. It also gives us the chance to think of possible plans of action for the issue to present to our children that they might not have thought of otherwise. By making this plan based on what they say, it shows the child you understand them and are paying attention.

Make sure you do pay attention when listening to your child, and do so completely. You should stop whatever tasks you have been doing, be it reading the newspaper, doing the dishes, or watching television. Make eye contact with your child and make sure you take in every word of what they tell you. Stay calm and ask questions while they talk. Afterwards, you can move onto ways to resolve the issue.

It is tempting to try to prevent our kids from becoming upset, angry, or frustrated as they speak, but we shouldn’t give in to this temptation as it can cause more harm than good. We need to realize how our children are feeling to have the ability to address why they feel that way and how we can help.

Just like adults, children have many feelings and will face situations that are troubling for them. When we listen and participate actively as they explain these things to us, they can see that we care and that we want to help them through experiences we have gone through as well. Once more, always respond instead of just reacting.




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